Bad Habits

I suck. Everything is my fault. I’m going to do horrible on tomorrow’s project. Why is he ignoring me? I’m a bad person. Nothing will ever get better. I can’t commit to anything.

These are examples of negative self talk statements. They can sound like this or even much worse. Whatever the case may be, negative self talk is a bad habit. It is a bad habit we may have learned long ago that has be reinforced over the years. The longer we engage in a bad habit, or in any repetitive act, the more automatic it becomes. Like driving a car or riding a bike.

Often times, negative self talk statements are automatic thoughts. How do you stop automatic thoughts, behaviors… automatic anything ? You cant “forget to ride a bike or drive a car” so how can I stop these negative automatic thoughts? simple….okay well its not that simple but it is possible.

To decrease any bad habit you BREAK and REPLACE it.

The “breaking part” is referred to as “thought stopping”. As soon as that bad thought pops into that brilliant mind of yours you interrupt it. The more you are intentional about identifying these negative thoughts the more natural it’ll become. For example, when I was in undergrad I took a public speaking class and during every oral presentation my professor would tally how many times I would say “umm”. Although this course was only a few weeks long, I still, to this day, catch myself the instant I say “umm” during any conversation then I replace with a more adaptive sound or word. So yes it is possible to “thought stop” in a short period of time. The more effortful part comes next…. the “Replacement” part. This is the part that makes breaking automatic processes possible.

Once you begin to identify those bad habits, you will be surprised at just how often you engage in them. You will now need to REPLACE these thoughts by challenging them and using that new information to adapt better more positive self talk. For example, a client of mine often engages in negative self statements regarding her physical looks. So, often times when someone looks at her she automatically assumes that the person is judging her “ugly face”. So a way to challenge/replace this is to find evidence to support this thought. Questions such as “Did someone tell me I look ugly today? (most likely not) When I look at someone am I thinking they are ugly? Are there other reasons I look at people? Is there a possibility they are thinking something else? Is it possible they may not even be thinking about me at all? etc.” The final replacement thought may end up sounding like this “that person is looking at me, I/m wearing a new lip color so they probably are noticing that.” Regardless if it’s true, it is the process of completely evolving a thought that breaks the habit. The initial thought of “they think I’m ugly” would result in a pretty low mood and self esteem whereas the replacement thought would either leave her mood unbothered or even improved.

Practice Practice Practice….Thanks to neuroplasticity our amazing brains are capable of unlearning so much!

Thanks for reading and hope you found this helpful,

Jessica Perez, LPCC